To Feel Again
by HPSpontaneousCombustionTSO
Summary: Both Mrs. Lovett and Sweeney are haunted with flashbacks. While both cope with painful memories, Lucy and Ben come to them as "spirits" to tell them the anticipated truth: to learn to feel again. Meanwhile, Judge Turpin is lusting after Nellie... R
1. Chapter 1

**A/N: My new story! May suck, but whatever... R&R! I dOn'T oWn AnYtHiNg!**

* * *

**:Prologue:  
**If the world was perfect, none of this shit would've happened. Ben-- er, Sweeney, would've have never gone to jail, Lucy would be alive, Johanna would be a normal teen, and I? I would be just there. Living with the flow of life, making pies and collecting rent money. Who knows; the Barkers would probably be rich. But the world isn't perfect. Never was and never will be. And that is why I am here. To finally mean something to someone. To finally be useful.

* * *

**:Grey Sunset:  
**The dismal day ended with a grey sunset. Mrs. Lovett cleared the shop with little stress, as Sweeney had no customers. Therefore, she had no pies. Toby dozed off in the parlor, his small body breathing small, slow gasps of air. Sweeney too took this time for some relaxation and sat in a dusty booth, watching the seemingly tired baker wash the last dish.

"Thats all. No mo' chores to do today. Such a great relief, as I 'ad no sleep the last few days. 'ways cleaning, I am. Never knew my pie shop would be so successful." she told Sweeney as she took a seat parallel to him. He grunted in reply, his eyes fixed on the empty gin bottle in his pale hand.  
"Watcha thinkin' 'bout, Mista T?" she asked.  
"Lucy."  
"Quite the dearie, she was. I remember when you two was married. The cutest couple, yes. I remember my father, 'That Lucy Pater and Benjamin Barker, unusual and unsuspected.' Why, they said-- never mind, now. Past is past."  
"What did they say, Mrs. Lovett?" he asked, wondering.  
"You don't remember? They always said those rumors whenever we went out to town. Anyway, go off to sleep. I'll just carry Toby to-- oh look! He's already in the parlor! Poor boy, he must've," she looked at Mr. Todd's shadow creeping up the stairs, feeling hurt that he didn't care to stay and listen. She shook her head and wiped the dust from her dress. Oh well, she thought, at least he got to rest; Lord knows how isomnia affects Sweeney.

* * *

Toby woke up. He rubbed his eyes, feeling the sleep crumble upon his hand. How did I..? Oh yeah, I went to sleep, he thought to himself. He felt guilty for dozing off to sleep, leaving his mum to feed the customers alone. Why, she must be dead tired.

Toby lighted a candle and made his way through the halls of the small house. He opened the door slightly, just enough to peek into his mum's room. There was Mrs. Lovett, stirring in her sleep. Worried, Toby rushed to her side, shaking her.  
"Mum, mum wake up!"

* * *

_It was a warm summer day in London, and Nellie Morgan was walking with Lucy Pater. They, along with their friends Ben Barker and Al Lovett, stopped by the dock to watch the waves crash against the shore._

_Nellie and Ben jumped into the waves, the cool water splashing against their warm bodies. The tide was strong that day, perhaps the strongest and highest that summer. But of course, that didn't stop the two brave rebels from enjoying the sea.  
"Nell, I think you should get out!" Al shouted.  
"Nonsense, Al! Wots the fun of the sea if you won't take a risk?" Nellie laughed.  
"Nell, Al is right, you guys should get out." Lucy said as more swimmers evacuated the risky waves.  
"Luce, loosen up! Come on, we're just having-- oh my God, NELLIE!" Ben yelled out as a huge wave swallowed the slim teen. Lucy clutched Al's arm as they froze in fear and surprise. Ben dove under the folds of blue ocean, searching for a glimpse of the auburn-haired girl. In the corner of his eye, he saw the sinking figure of Nellie, her eyes closing..._

_He lunged for her, grasping her hand in his, swimming fast to the shore, where Lucy and Al clutched to each other with fear. Carrying her to the shore, Ben sprinted with ease to their picnic area. He set down the fragile body as Lucy sobbed out, "Nellie!" while hugging a stunned Albert Lovett. Not knowing what else to do, Ben sat Nellie up while forcefully patting her back. She choked up salt water as she sucked in gasps of air. Slipping into unconsciousness, she smiled.  
"Don't you worry, guys. I'll be back. I'm just so tired..."_

* * *

"Mum, please, stop screaming!" Toby begged.  
"Ben!" the baker screamed. Sweating and sobbing, Nellie Lovett screamed for her Ben, while Toby tried to calm her down. "Please..." she whispered, hugging her adopted son. "...get Ben."

**A/N: End of First chapter! R&R please! Reviews give me inspiration! Italics are flashbacks, if you haven't guessed. **


	2. Chapter 2

:Horrid Memories and Insane Revelations:

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**A/N: I don't own anything!XD. coughmecough, I'm writing out my feelings (a habit of mine) so don't be frightened by angry Nellie AnywhoA/N: My horrible attempt at an insane Nellie. Italics are flashbacks, blah blah blah. I'm pretty pissed off so, yeah.**

* * *

_Seeing the frail, unmoving body of Nellie Morgan was nerve-racking. Ben shot a look at Albert, who was almost on the verge of tears.  
"Is she...?"  
"Dead? No, Al, that's preposterous! Just that damn corset, she can't breathe!" Ben shook his head.  
"I don't understand Nellie, she already too skinny, she doesn't need a corset. Ben... wait--" Lucy looked up, a quizzical look on her face. Ben was already moving, flipping over the unconcious woman.  
"What the bloody hell are you doing?" Albert asked.  
"Saving her ass, what else?"  
"How... oh god, Ben!" Albert groaned as his friend tore against the dress, revealing the wet corset.  
"Lucy, give her a towel, I sense she'll need it." Ben said as he quickly loosened the corset. On cue, Nellie shot up, coughing uncontrollably, clutching her chest, and thankfully, the corset to.  
"Bloody hell! Why am I wearing nothing 'cept-- Ben!" she smacked the man with her hand while Lucy covered her up. Bystanderes snickered as Nellie repeatedly slapped him, chasing him with both rage and humor. She and him collapsed, in fits of laughter, holding each other while Nellie leaned against him, her wet hair brushing against his neck. her corset and most of her dress were on, though she wrapped the towel around her.  
"Benny, where do you think Lucy and Al are?"  
"I don't know, Nell. Perhaps snogging madly, somewhere in the sand--" he gripped her shoulders tightly, then let go, realizing that it was Nellie, not Albert, who he was squeezing.  
"Sorry..." he muttered.  
"Ben, why didn't you just tell Al how you felt about Luce. I mean, Lucy loves you."  
"I know. But,"  
"But what?"  
"I-- er, never mind."  
"You sure?"  
"Yep. Positive!"  
"Good, because, I want to show you something." she crawled to a spot parallel to him and took off her towel. She clutched a pendant that swirled in her hand, blue and black stones circling the chain. It was beautiful, the blue hues sparkling in the sun, the black remaining still and shiny. The silver chain was an ocean of grey, wavy in its shape. She held it out, just enough for the silver to catch the sun.  
"It's for Lucy. You know, so you can give it to her." she shrugged.  
"It's beautiful, Nell. How can I ever repay you?"  
"Its okay, it isn't troubling." she smiled as he took it into his hand. He looked at her eyes, her irises gleaming in the fading sun. He leaned in closer, his lips touching hers. She slowly wrapped her arms around his neck, now responding to his soft kiss. She parted her lips slightly, giving way for his tongue to enter. Pulling her in, he deepened the kiss, setting her down on the soft sand. Tongues fought for dominance as the sun set into the crimson horizon, the bluish-black of night settling into the sky._

_Nellie, unwillingly, lost all self control and fell in love with the one of her best friends. Benjamin Barker._

_-  
_Sweeney roused and paced again. He thought about his most recent dream, no-- memory. His naïve days as Benjamin Barker were over, and now he his Sweeney Todd. Of course, Mrs. Lovett has no possible way of remembering this particular day. Why should she? Almost drowning, being half-naked at the beach, her heart breaking that same day... isn't that the type of day you would like to forget? Perhaps she does remember. But she couldn't... why would she?

"Mista Todd!" Toby panted as he whirled into the barber shop.  
"What is it, T-- To-- boy?"  
"Toby, sir. Its mum, she's-- she's gone completely mad! Come quick! Come--!" he said, already sprinting back to Mrs. Lovett's room.  
"Bloody wonder, that Mrs. Lovet, bloody wonder." he muttered.  
_-_

_"Nell, please, I'm sorry." Ben said, walking behind Nellie Morgan.  
"Sorry? Is that it?" she asked mockingly.  
"Nell please..."  
"Sorry for what? Snogging me like no tomorrow and then telling me that you don't love me? Is that what you're sorry for?" she stopped walking, her anger at the highest level it could possibly reach. She glared at him, waiting for a response.  
"Nell, I don't love you, not like that."  
"Then why the hell did you have sex with me? Dammit Ben! You're so f------ conceited! You think that you could toy with my emotions, and then leave me when you want Lucy. Well guess what? I'm done with you. And here's your stupid necklace." she threw the jewelry at him and stomped on his foot.  
"Ow! Shit, Nell!"  
"You were my first, asshole." she said, trying to refrain from punching him.  
"What do you mean? I thought you and Al-"  
"No, Ben. I never let him touch me." she managed to say through tears. They stared at each other for awhile, untill Lucy and Albert came back.  
"Hey, you guys weren't in the cottage! Where were you? C'mon we have like a week left, lets go and--" Lucy said. Nellie cut her off, "Don't worry, I was just leaving."  
"Don't go!" Lucy cried out, begging for her to stay.  
"I'm sorry." Ben whispered, thinking that he and Nellie were the only ones there. She raised a hand to slap him, wanting to so bad, hurt him just like he did to her. But she didn't. She walked away, crying softly._

_The sun rose, the orange day dominating the black night._

_Funny, she thought, I'm alone. No difference._

-

Mrs. Lovett woke up. She remembered that day so clearly that it hurt. Why does she remember? Why? She cried softly, suddenly feeling pain, and _love._ Ben, her only love, now Sweeney. He is the same person! But why can she hate Ben, but love _him_?

Ben...

"Mrs. Lovett?" he whispered, walking to her bed. She ceased crying and opened her eyes. She didn't find Mr. Todd, but Benjamin Barker. He touched her shoulder, shaking her softly. His brown eyes met hers, flickering around.  
"Mrs. Lovett?"  
The sound of her new surname was foreign to his voice, or, rather her fiance's surname. Ben?  
"Mrs. Lovett!"  
There it is again! She laughed at Ben's ignorance. She wasn't married to Al yet, was she?  
"Nellie!"  
On a first name basis, are we, Ben?  
"Nell?"  
"Ben?" she asked with uncertainty. "Benny?"

"Mrs. Lovett, what did you say again?"  
"Benjamin Barker, is that you?" she giggled.  
"Mrs. Lovett, what are you talking about? Its Sweeney!"  
"Sweeney? Thats a funny name!" she laughed, suddenly remembering the brand of whiskey, Sweeney Penn.  
"Mrs. Lovett!"  
"Wheres Luce and Al? They should be here by now!"  
"They're dead, Nellie! What are you talking about?" he shook her shoulders, trying to bring sanity back to her mind.  
"Dead?" tears ran down her face, her dwindling sanity now coming back.  
"Yes, Nellie, dead." he whispered, remembering the Nellie he knew.  
"Ben?" she asked.  
"Yes?" he hesitated.  
"I'm sorry."  
"For what?"  
"Her..." the baker's eyes closed, leaving Sweeney alone in the dark room.

* * *

_"Eleanor Morgan, do you take Albert Lovett to be your husband?" the priest asked Mrs. Lovett, who hid underneath her veil, not wanting to make eye contact with anybody. She looked into Albert's violet eyes, tears welling up in her own. 'I'm sorry.' he glanced at her with pure sorrow, knowing very well that they didn't love each other.  
"I do."  
"You may kiss the bride."_

_Benjamin Barker, the uninvited guest, stood in the corner, crying silently as a mixture of betrayal and anger steamed inside him._

_"I'm sorry, Nell, I really am."_

Mrs. Lovett sat up and found Ben sitting on her rocking chair and an unfamiliar man, a black haired man with a single white stripe in it, sleeping on the chair parallel to her bed. How odd.

Her initial reaction was to scream, and she tried to, but for some reason, she couldn't.  
"Nice try Nell. He can't hear you, technically, because you are sleeping." Ben laughed as he pointed to the still figure of Mrs. Lovett.  
"What?"  
"Its all quite simple. You are about to get yourself in Bedlam, you know, as you are mad and all. I, Benjamin Barker, am here to help you. See that man, right there. Yeah, he's me."  
"What the hell are talking about?"  
"I am technically alive. See him, as long as he is alive, I might as well be too. But that man, Sweeney Todd, is not like me. He has no emotions, only rage and anger. Now me, and Lucy, angels, may I say, even though we are alive, are here to help him feel. Got that?"  
"Yeah..."  
"When you wake up, you may not have any recollection of this meeting. Remember. Which leads to another subject. These vivid memories, these are your own. These feel so real, so painful. Don't be scared. Nell, please remember. You are not insane." he walked to her and kissed her forehead. "Good night, Nell."

~*~*~*~*~*~*~  
"Lucy?" Mister Todd opened his eyes to see his beautiful wife, standing with a ring of silver light glowing around her. Her blond hair glimmered as she smiled.  
"Hi Ben."  
"What are you doing here? You're dead! Mrs. Lovett, she--she told me you were."  
"I'm not dead. Trust me, I'm not."  
"She lied to me? How dare she?" he furiously yanked out his razor and began walking to Mrs. Lovett's bed.  
"Ben, are you going to do that? Really?"  
"She lied! I could have gone to you! But instead, she kept me to herself, that selfish bitch."  
"Ben. You know that crazy old beggar woman? Thats me. I have no recollection of you. Nothing. I'm just ghost of my former self."  
"But why?"  
"When I took that arsenic, I wasn't thinking. Nellie did try to stop me, she practically slapped the bottle out of my hands! But then I did something I'm not proud of, and... yeah. Anyway, would you really kill the girl that supported you? Kill the girl that loved you? Kill the same woman was there for you, me, and Johanna? Really, Benny?"  
"....No."  
"Benny, she's losing her sanity. Want to know why?"  
"Why?"  
"Because she's been working her ass off, and never got a thank you. You know, she hated you for a long time. For just leaving her like that. Ben, I was disappointed in you when you did that. Benny, please, you don't know what she's been through."  
"Lucy, don't tell me what I don't know and do know. I've been through way worse things than her!"  
"Benny! Ok, do you really want to know what she told me? Do you?"  
"What, Lucy? What did she tell you? What could she have possibly tell you that she hadn't told me?"  
"That she was raped by her uncle at the age of eleven, then again by her neighbor at fifteen. Then she had sex with you, which took a lot of strength and bravery. After that, she got pregnant with your child. She got a miscarriage with that baby. She turned to alcohol, and almost died. Then, Judge Turpin came along and put you to jail, which hurt her, then I got raped, then Al died. Her friends, almost siblings-- you, me, and Al-- all seemed to leave her at the same time. And you know what else? Most recently, one of her customers almost killed her. Then Toby almost drank himself to death, which worried her so much. And now? Her painful memories of you are forcing her to insanity. So don't tell me you've had worse. Because she has had a shitty life so far." Lucy breathed. Sweeney looked at her, then to Mrs. Lovett. "She hasn't slept in a month. You know that, don't you?"  
"No--"  
"Sweeney, everything I've told you... you won't remember. It will become a memory. It is now up to you if you want to remember. Good night."

**A/N: crappy chapter, ain't it? Anywhy, read and review. I'm not sure how I'm going to go with this story, as its quite confuzzling (my fave word! =D) So, if my readers don't approve/understand this concept, I WILL delete it! So, if you like it/understand it, make sure you'll review! BTW: my updates will be sporatic so be wary of it! Why? School, soccer, girl scouts, school projects, my "me" time, and social life. Not saying that this isn't a priority, its just I have lots of things going on. But don't worry! If I have any free time, I WILL update! And, join a group I found on faebook: Sweenett Lovers. Its the only one, so JOIN! R&R please, no flames.**


	3. Chapter 3

:Morning Star:

**A/N: CRAP! I _just _found out that I don't own Sweeney Todd! XD yay! a new chappie! Short, yes, but please remember, 3 reviews? No inspiration... ='( ok so anyway, bear with me. This is really hard to write without confusing you guys. I AM STRESSED OUT!!!!! TOO MUCH CRAP GOING ON!!!! so this is my therapy, writing. Honors English, Honors math, Honors bio, Honors history! soccer team to playoffs, *_* No freakin sleep! But, I LUV YOU GUYS dammit, for being here for me, esp. you, NellieThePieAngel, u've inspirired me w/ ur own stories to make my own! So, that, my friend, is thanks to you. And to you other faithful reviewers, and silent readers too. **

**LOVE YOU GUYS!!!!!! **

**Such a short chappie...**

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Both Mrs. Lovett and Sweeny woke without any memory about the night before. They just thought it was a strange dream.  
"Sweeney?" she asked the barber. She hadn't remembered him yet.  
"Yes, Mrs. Lovett?" he answered from the seat next to her. Worried that she might be insane, he gripped her hand.  
"What happened to me? Why can't I just forget!"  
"Mrs. Lovett, um, what are you talking about?"  
She looked at him with a funny smile, and blinked quickly. "Um, nothing, love. Everything is fine."  
"Are you sure?"  
"Yeah..."  
"Ok then."  
"I'm sorry. Its just that, I-- ok my baby died this day fifteen years ago, and I just... I just can't forget."  
"Baby? With whom? Albert?"  
"Oh no, with one of my friends, Benjamin Barker, you may not know him, though. Anyway, a great man he was. But... my baby died of miscarrage."  
"How old were you?" Sweeney hesitated. He did not know that he got her pregnant, let alone, it had died.  
"Young, too young to be a mother. I was seventeen, actually."  
"I'm sorry." He really was.  
"Its ok. I mean, past is past."  
"Mrs. Lovett, are you-"

'What the hell are you talking about?' a distant voice echoed in his mind.  
"Excuse me?" Sweeney said out loud.  
"Mista Todd?"  
'She doesn't remember you. She's losing her sanity, remember?'  
"Who are you?"  
"Mista T, I'm Nellie Lovett, remember?"  
'Lucy, we talked about this last night! Try to remember!'  
"LUCY?" Sweeney stood up, angry at Mrs. Lovett.  
"Oh, you know her too? She was my friend--"  
"I know she was your friend; she's dead, isn't she?"  
"I don't know, actually."  
"LIAR!!" he pulled out a razor and held it to her throat.  
'My, my, stubborn, are we Benny? You need to remember.'  
"Mister Todd!" she yelled in fear.  
"Look at me!" he snarled.  
"Why-- oh my god. You're-"  
"BENJAMIN BARKER!" he drew a line across her neck, making her whine in pure fear.  
"Please.."  
'Benny, REMEMBER!'

Then, he did exactly what the voice said... he remebered. Every specific detail- rape, Toby, overworking, no appreciation- everything.

"What have I done?"

'What have you done, Benny?'


	4. Chapter 4

**A/N: Ok, two chappies in a row! Ok, so the previous chapter, this: (') thing means that its Lucy talking. Sorry! I was really in a hurry. =( Anyway, I hope this one makes as much sense as it could. If that makes sense. XD! So, lets read. BTW: theres a TWISTIE in this story! Sweeney=OOC because he feels remorse, blah blah and all that crap.**

* * *

:Together:

_'Oh, Benny...'_

"Mista T, why are you doing this to me?" the baker whimpered. She sat on the floor, her head in between her knees, looking at the barber with shock.  
"I-- I don't know."  
"Mista T? What's happening?" she sobbed. "I'm so confused, I can't--"  
"Wait, what did you call me?"  
"Mista T..." she looked uncertain; was he ok? Just then, the barber shook her shoulders, asking the same question over and over again:  
"Do you remeber me?"  
"Of course I do. You're a barber, Toby's my son, I'm a baker.."  
"What else? What else do you remember?"  
"I don't know..."  
"By the sea,"  
"What?"  
"... thats the life I covet, by the sea Mrs Lovett, ooh I know'd you love it,"  
"You and me Mista T, we could be alone, in a house that we'd almost own down by the sea... Mista T! The bodies! I have to-- ow!" Mrs. Lovett clutched her stomach, wincing in pain.  
"Mrs. Lovett! Are you okay?" he knelt down to the baker's level, who was down on all fours, coughing uncontrollably. "Mrs. Lovett-"  
She cried out in pain and held on to the bewildered barber.  
"Mista T, please help me!" she managed to breathe out. She was sobbing harder and harder, her breathing becoming uneven. Sweeney carried her to the closest bed, trying to keep her steady.

Throughout this whole ordeal, Judge Turpin crept out of the kitchen, holding a half empty bottle of poison.  
"A drop a day keeps the barber away."

"Mum?" Toby dropped his bottle of gin and rushed to her side. "What did you do to her?" he screamed. He marched to Sweeney with a ready fist.  
"Nothing, Toby, he didn't do anything!" Mrs. Lovett barely whispered.  
"Mum, he did something to you. The devil's spawn, he is!"  
"Toby! Don't you dare say that!"  
"You- you did this!" he pointed to Sweeney, who had an amusing look on his face.  
"Toby, please." Sweeney laughed. Does this boy really think that he can take down a heartless murderer?

_'Not really heartless, are you, Benny?'_  
'Lucy! What do you mean?'  
_'I mean, you care for Nellie, don't you?_'  
'Yes, I mean-'

"Mrs. Lovett!" Toby exclaimed. The baker's eyes were flicking over the room.  
"Water- please, I need water."  
"Toby, get water!" Sweeney snapped. The boy nodded and dashed to the kitchen without a word.  
"Mrs. Lovett, what's happening? I mean, somethings going on, why do I remember these things now?" He sat at the edge of the bed, his head in between his hands. Mrs. Lovett sat up, a puzzling look etched upon her face.  
"What 'things' are you talking about it?" she asked. He glanced at her with a saddened look. He cupped her cheek and sat in front of her.  
"Mrs. Lovett, do you remember that day by the sea? Where me and you, you know..." he hesitated to look at her eyes, but did anyway. Her chocolate eyes were filled with unshed tears, suddenly realizing what he was talking about.  
"Why-- why did you tell me that? Why did you tell me, now, of all the monthes you've stayed here... why now?"  
"I don't know. I-- I guess I just wanted to apologize for what I said."  
"For what you said? Tell me what did you say? I want you to say it, and say it like you meant it."  
"Mrs. Lovett-"  
"Say it. I want you to say it now that you know that you didn't mean it; I want you to expeirience how it feels when you don't mean it." she half screamed, half sobbed.  
"No!"  
"Say it!"  
" 'I hate you Nell, I hate you! Dammit, you bitch, why? Why screw me? You traitor! You self absorbed snob. You bitch!'."  
"How did it feel? Huh, how did it feel to kill one of your best friends like that? How did it feel to say that?" she sobbed.  
"I'm sorry, Nell! I truely am!"  
"Were you sorry, Sweeney? Were you right after?"  
"No--"  
"That's right, no. Because you were screaming you bastard, you were yelling at me the whole time. I gave you my virginity, and thats what I get? Is that what I get? Is that what I deserved? Is that what a poor girl like me, deserve?"  
"Mrs. Lovett, STOP!" he screamed. He pushed her to the bed post. "You did not deserve that, ok? No one should have to go through that."  
"Then why did I have to?" she asked. He looked shocked; yes, why did she have to?  
"Answer me, dammit, why did I have to?"  
"Why did Lucy get raped? Huh? Why did she have to take the arsenic?" he yelled.  
"She's not the only one you know! She's not the only one to get raped in this damn world!"  
"I know! But its Lucy, why her?" he stared at the eyes of the baker. "Why her?"  
"She never deserved that Sweeney. She never did. But it was foolish for her to do that, abandoning Johanna like that." she whispered. Suddenly, with a flash of silver and a quick push to the wall, Mrs. Lovett's throat was under a silver blade.  
"Don't you ever say that, Mrs. Lovett. What would you have done under those circumstances? Being raped?" the barber said without thinking. He regretted those words as soon as he said it.  
"What would I have done? More like, what did I do? I didn't do anything."  
"What do you mean?"  
"I was raped before, twice. Once by my uncle, and again by my neighbor. It was horrible, the worst thing I've ever gone through. I wanted to die, but rape is not an excuse to die. Its another reason to live, live to show no weakness, live for the moment. Because you only live once."  
"Why didn't you tell me? Or Albert, even?"  
"I didn't want you guys to worry. What was I supposed to say? 'Oh I got raped!' I couldn't imagine the things you guys would do to my neighbor and uncle. Beat him? Kill him?"  
"Dammit, Nellie! Quit putting everyone else before you! Think about yourself for once." He shook the bakers shoulders roughly while saying this. "Focus on Nellie Morgan Lovett for once."

-

"Mrs. Lovett," he started to say.  
"What?"  
"I'm really sorry, I didn't mean to cut you. I was just mad that-- you brought up Lucy. I--"  
"I know."  
"Is that you're going to say? Two words? Thats it?"  
"What do you want me to say, Sweeney? 'Oh I completely forgive you for making m life a personal hell!' But I don't forgive you."  
"Why not?"  
"Because I can't! Has it ever occured to you that I did forgive you? And now you brought it up. It was hard enough to forgive. Now you expect me to forgive again?"  
"What have I done to you that isn't forgivable?"  
"_Do you want to know? Do you really want to know_?" she glared at the barber. She clenched her fist so that her knuckles turned white with intense anger. "I can forgive you for yelling at me, for leaving me, for everything. Except the fact that you called me a traitor. _You_ kissed me. _You_ had sex with me. And now you want forgiveness? Hardly."

Sweeney pinned her to the wall. "I'm sorry dammit." he yelled. She then started to sob violently and dropped to the floor, tears running down her face. This was the only time she ever cried since he had been sent to prison. Fifteen long years of emotion, kept so neatly and stored inside her, intending to build up and never come out. But now that wall that blocked those emotions, its breaking and crumbling down. This was different, this was probably the worst thing that hes ever done to her.  
"Why are you doing this to me? Everytime you come to me you hurt me. I told you once, I'll tell you again. I'm done with you." she said between gut wrenching sobs. Sweeney knelt and hugged her, feeling so sorry for the baker. Had he really hurt her that bad?

"What did I ever to you that makes me so unforgivable?" he repeated, wanting an answer to the question he's been asking.

"You knew I loved you, Sweeney."

**

* * *

**

A/N: end of chapter 3. Next chapter, we shall delve deeper into the inner emotions of Sweeney and Nellie. Will be split into three parts: Sweeney's thoughts, Nellie's thoughts, and Toby's adventure. What happened in that time block? Where did Toby go?


End file.
